One of the joys of teaching a second language is the amusement that can be found in the students’ Engrish. I know I make a mess of the Japanese language, my students certainly come up with some real gems of their own.

"I would be healthier if I excavated regular stools." A homework answer to
the question of how to be healthier.

"My front hair line is in big trouble." A student talking about his receding hairline.

"You can drink the water that comes out of the cock." A student's explanation of a sign that indicated that the tap was for drinking water.

Question asked of a student, "Have you ever had a bad day?" Reply,
"Yes, I have. I've been bound hand and foot several times." Mmm a little
too much information there.....

"He... goes home, goes to bed and sleeps around." The correct answer should have been he "sleeps late".

"....I'm impotent..." the intended meaning was "helpless". A reason why not to always trust your dictionary.

"Today, I went to the massage parlour". I had fun explaining this one. Luckily, I knew the phrase in Japanese for a brothel, "soap-land". The girl though, had simply gone for a massage.

"The cherry blossoms are hyaku (100) percent open."
This was a creative attempt at telling me the Cherry Blossoms were in full
bloom.

"I really want have deep sleep in someones softry brest."
Again, maybe a little too much information....

“My mother…… my mother…. my mother…. my mother….. cook….. eat me.” polished off with a broad smile happy that he could answer the test question successfully. The question? “What club do you belong to?”.